It has been seven days since I last checked in with you. Last week I said I was going to make every effort to walk my heartbroken dog, Steeler, every day, and to try to work on our bond and how we communicate now that it’s just the two of us. So how did I do?

Well. we walked. Every. Fucking. Day. Some days were obviously harder than others, but I stuck to our schedule come hell or high water. It started out with a lot of hesitation on his part. He wasn’t quite sure what I was doing to him. Halfway through the week, just when I thought we were finally hitting our stride, things took a turn for the worst. He’s been looking for Daisy, and once it became clear that she wasn’t coming back, his behavior became insufferable. Every moment he was home alone, he howled uncontrollably for hours on end. He stopped eating, turning down even his most favorite treats. I made every attempt to hide my own personal grief, but after many challenging days, I finally fell into a cataclysmic breakdown. The final straw was picking up my sweet Daisy’s ashes only to find that the funeral home had made an egregious error. The torrent of suppressed emotion was loose and no one was safe from my wrath.

After many tears and some much needed rest on both our parts, we’ve come out the other side in better shape. He now knows that when we leave, he is eventually coming back, so some trust has been established. When I grab the leash, he springs out the door. He has regained his appetite, which has taken most of the heaviness off of my heart. And today when I returned home from work, he was fast asleep on the couch, for the first time in weeks. And while we’re both still fairly inconsolable as our best friend is gone, and the reality of the situation continues to sink in, at least we’ve taken one step forward toward some new normalcy.

I was hoping that at this point, we’d be making huge strides forward and setting a new goal for next week, but that just isn’t the case. I don’t think we’ve made enough progress to focus on another task. But I will take these small victories, and for now we will continue to walk for just another week.