5 Dating Rules that are Fucking Stupid
Dumb shit to follow to ensure you never go out again
We’ve all been there. You meet someone. You give them your number. By the time they call, you’ve already decided to swear off men and join a convent. Or you go on a great date. Then he gives you the awkward hug at the end of the night, and you spend the next week analyzing every moment of the evening. There are a million scenarios that come up when meeting new people and attempting to get to know them, and a million more stupid fucking dating rules that just don’t make any sense. I’m about to address what I believe are the five stupidest.
The guy has to be the pursuer
I hear this shit all the time. You don’t want to look too thirsty. Guys like the chase. Try and play hard to get. And while I understand this is the way courtship was done for hundreds of years, that was also before porn, the internet, and equal fucking rights. Back in the day women were supposed to be chaste and pure, and the men were to purchase them like cattle, making a nice monetary deal between themselves and their fathers. Women were property and the idea of securing their favor was just a foregone conclusion. In a day and age where we can buy sex toys on informercials and run Fortune 500 companies, a bitch can surely ask a dude if he wants to get a drink.
Don’t text back too fast
This is definitely a case to use common sense. If you’re sitting on the couch scrolling YouTube and someone texts you, it’s perfectly ok to answer them right away. It does not look thirsty or desperate or like you don’t have a life; in fact, it’s the most considerate thing to do. When you see a message, answer it. Simple as that. Everything else is just premeditated games. This goes for multiple texts as well. If you’re having an ongoing conversation, you can send back a couple bubbles. The only time it’s not appropriate to send multiples is when you are being actively ignored. If that person hasn’t answered you in eight hours, DO NOT SEND ANOTHER MESSAGE. In fact, if you don’t get a text back, it’s perfectly acceptable to never talk to them again. Unless you truly don’t give a fuck and if that’s the case, light ‘em up sis!
Don’t take home leftovers
It’s a general rule of etiquette that you should never take food home after the first three dates. I guess you’re supposed to be impressing them by wasting their hard earned money by ordering a $45 steak, only having a few bites and throwing the rest away. I know if I was a guy and paid for an expensive meal for a chick I didn’t even know, she better lick the fucking plate, and maybe something else while she’s at it (just kidding ladies). I am a starving artist so not only am I wrapping mine up to go, I'm asking you if you’re done so I can take the rest of that rib-eye to my dogs. I don’t want to go out with someone who is needlessly wasteful with money, and if that’s not a good look, thanks for the meal buddy.
No fucking on the first date
Yes, we’re back to that bullshit where a man has to chase a woman and she’s not supposed to give it up. If you go out with someone and you think they’re kinda cute and kinda funny and kinda sexy and you want to see them naked, then go ahead. The simple truth is it’s ok to get laid. But won’t he think I’m a slut? I’ve never seen a man who could use his brain and his dick at the same time, so that would be a first. Maybe he calls you, maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he wasn’t going to call you anyway because your personality is trash. Maybe he was kind of lame but his body was amazing and the dick was fire. Sex on the first date isn’t all the serious after the age of 22 so relax and enjoy yourself without the social restraints.
Wait three days to call
If you do this shit, you should go jump off a fucking bridge. This is the double sided power trip du jour. The man is supposed to wait to call so that he doesn’t look too interested while simultaneously causing the woman stress and anxiety waiting to see if he actually likes her or not. It’s all a game. If you have a great time, let that person know. If they didn’t equally have a good time, better to know now than to waste any more of your precious minutes on earth with a vapid asshole who thinks these rules actually matter.