A (Disappointing) Daytrip to Roswell
NEW MEXICO
When I planned this whole trip out, I had seriously considered x-ing New Mexico out all together. But for me, the enticement of seeing White Sands National Park was just too great, and since I was already there, might as well check out Roswell too. Well, White Sands closed down the day I arrived and after waiting two whole weeks in hopes that it would reopen, I finally had to make the decision to move on. BUT…not before checking Roswell out. I don’t want to spoil it for you (but you already read the title I’m guessing) so here’s the short of it:
I went all the way out to New Mexico to see White Sands. Then I got caught up with a hole in my tire, a dude from Hinge, and before I knew it, I’d already been there damn near two weeks. With the sudden realization that I was languishing away in the middle of nowhere, I decided to move this party north, but not before I did one last bucket list item. I was staying in Alamogordo and still had Roswell and Carlsbad Caverns to check off my list. Being that both were over two hours away and in opposite directions, I pulled a decision out of my ass last minute and chose Roswell.
150 miles later, I was beginning to think I may have made the wrong choice. As I drove through the cow laden fields of Roswell’s outer reaches, I half expected to see a shiny silver saucer zapping up dairy cows as it went. But as the farms stretched on, I realized Roswell was just another small town thriving off a made up incident from yesteryear, and my desire to chase aliens across the state began to wane. Somehow I, cynical bitch extraordinaire, got caught up in the tourist hype.
Roswell is a typical small town, less than 50k people situated on a gird surrounded by nothingness. Once I got to the main drag, surreptitiously named “Main Street”, I realized that this small section of road was not only the center of town but the center of life itself in Roswell, and every stupid high schooler was there lapping the 10 blocks, back and forth, yelling to other cars and blasting their music as a means to be social in a town where there was no social scene. This, in conjunction with the hoards of Budweiser drinking meth heads tearing through the streets, spinning their tires and acting like general animals, really took away from the je ne sais quoi of small town life and the cheesy but charming alien decor that Roswell uses like confetti.
Getting There
If I could do it all over again, I would’ve taken Highway 82 to the 13. It is not only the fastest way up and over the mountain, but it takes you through beautiful Lincoln National Forest and the absolutely adorable town of Cloudcroft. If you’re planning on stopping, Cloudcroft only has two blocks of stores and restaurants, and…a fucking bar (you know how I feel about places that don’t have bars). The pizza at Cloudcroft Brewing is exceptional, and I was surprised they had quite a few bitch beers on tap that pleased me. Also the cheese plate at Noisy Water Winery is surprisingly good and the wines were delicious, but this is not the actual winery, which can be found in Ruidoso.
Your other option is to take the 70 east through Tularosa, Ruidoso, and a million miles of farmland. This is cool if you want to take pics of dilapidated buildings or go to the Noisy Water Winery flagship, but I found the drive to be uneventful. Secondly, most of the trip takes you through private reservations, marked by obvious blockades along the highway exits. Lot of miles to not have a place to stop and ask for help, that’s all I’m sayin’.
The Main Drag
If you’re in search of cheesy ass alien things to do in Roswell (and don’t get me wrong because that’s exactly what we went for), then Main Street is where you want to be. If you came in on Highway 70, all you have to do is turn right and pick your poison. Once onto Main, you’ll see aliens galore splattered everywhere for the next ten blocks. I was so overwhelmed with the concentration of alien paraphenalia that I had to pull over and hit the street on foot. There are murals down every alley and mannequins in every storefront. There is a Visitor’s Center on the north end of the drag that I found to be less than helpful as they are closed on Sundays.
International UFO Museum
First of all, let’s manage expectations. This is not a “museum” so much as a sideshow, and there’s literally nothing international about it but it makes the name sound legit. This place should be at the top of your list as it’s as UFO as it comes. Inside there’s some pretty silly exhibits, such as a mock crash landing and a reenactment of a dissection. I thought it was fun and makes for great pictures. It’s super cheap at $7, your ticket is good for the entire day, and they allow pets. Can’t get much better than that.
Alien themed Treasure Hunt
Walking down the street is the next best thing you can do. There’s a ton of stores with alien shit all over (although I realized that seemed to be the general theme throughout New Mexico). Great photo ops, tons of murals, and everything alien themed down to the coffee shop. Don’t miss the saucer shaped McDonalds which is located conveniently right next door to the huge alien holding the Dunkin donuts sign. And, depending on your internal nerd level, you could tour the spots that were featured in the movie Paul (don’t judge me).
UFO Spacewalk
This place is one block down on 2nd street but easily the next best silly alien thing to do. Like the UFO Museum and Meow Wolf had a baby, this is a blacklight exhibit with all kinds of funky alien props. And at $6, how can you afford to miss it!
Off The Beaten Path
Roswell’s Industrial Neighborhood
You’ll tear through the alien district mighty quick and find yourself without much to do but drive the long way home. If you’re looking to use up some free time, I suggest heading a couple blocks east across the train tracks. There is a small industrial district of dilapidated warehouses and the remnants of an enormous silo. I got out and walked around, snapping photos here and there, and I can tell you The Hills Have Eyes vibe was definitely in full gear. I felt like I was being watched, but when I heard two people from inside one of the abandoned buildings whispering about “that girl taking pictures,” I damn near lept outta my jeans. The buildings are historic and in a society where we just rip shit down and build anew, I really enjoyed walking around the area, even if the squatters were the creepiest thing I’d see all day.
Annual UFO Festival
If strolling down a street lined with little green men just isn’t enough for you, there’s always the Annual UFO Festival. Held the first weekend in July (when it’s absolutely hot as balls), this three day event includes a little bit of everything: guest speakers, movie nights, art projects for the kids. This year they’re even having a blood drive because who said aliens are only about assholes?!
Bottomless Lakes
About 20 minutes east of Roswell lies New Mexico’s Bottomless Lakes State Park. A series of very deep fresh water pools, these bodies of water were once cenotes that had crumbled in on themselves, leaving these incredible bodies of water.
It wasn’t very busy the day I went even though the weather was just right for a swim, and the thing I enjoyed the most was the merit system parks pass. Basically, when you drive in, the Visitor’s Center is on the left and they ask that you leave a $5 admission in the box or pay online, although I found their online system to be incredibly slow and hard to use. Do yourself a favor and bring cash. Best part: Lea Lake also has RV sites with full hook-ups right on the water. Bottomless Lakes is definitely a hidden gem.
Afterthoughts
Here’s where we’re gonna deep dive on the “disappointed” part of my story. I wasn’t honest with myself about what Roswell is or what we were going to do there. Admittedly I’ve watched the movie “Paul” just too many damn times. I expected a lot more than a couple souvenir shops, a tiny strip mall museum, and a couple city sign photo ops. I instead expected to really make an entire day of it and leave wearing foil balls on my head. This is where I let Pinterest really fuck me up. Surely you’ve seen all the posts that say “37 Things…” or “15 Things (to do in Roswell)”. Well, I can assure you from first hand experience, there’s five things to do in Roswell, MAX. Roswell is a small town barely thriving on the diminishing notoriety of an alleged extraterrestrial crash from 70 years ago. And since the US government came out and said that little green men are in fact real, I can’t see this nostalgia hanging on for very much longer. Just know that there isn’t much to see and do so don’t show up expecting a full day of excitment and intrigue. Instead, look at it as an opportunity to see a few (<5) cool things, maybe look around the neighborhoods, and chalk it up to an interesting story you’ll tell your friends one day. And if you can, squeeze in Carlsbad Caverns. I did not and trust me, I regret it!
xoxo, The Bitter Bitch
The last of the Mogollons