5 Signs that Ain’t Your Man
Obvious signs your dude is just not that into you
You met someone you like. You’re spending a ton of time together. You’ve even met their friends and maybe their family. But something just isn’t right. Here are 5 signs that he really isn’t your man and it’s time to cut the cord.
He responds to your calls with a text
No matter where he is, the nightclub, Home Depot, at home with his mama, he’s still on the hunt. He could be trying to chase down some new pussy at any moment of the day and doesn’t want some chick’s name showing up on his phone at the most inconvenient time. He also doesn’t want you thinking that you can track him down with just the push of a button. He will get back to you if and when he wants to, whether that be in five minutes, thirty minutes, or thirty days. Treating you like a piece of garbage also has the added benefit of giving him all the power, so when he does finally respond, you eat that shit up because you’re being emotionally starved for it.
You split everything
Your time isn’t worth his money. You are a place setting, a seat warmer, someone to take up his time and space when he has some to spare. He wants to go out to eat but doesn’t want to go alone. He wants to hit the beach that weekend but wants someone to split the price of gas. This guy essentially wants a babysitter of sorts, someone to waste time with when he is bored. If he can get his dick wet for free, even better. When he finds someone more interesting or better looking, you’ll barely be an afterthought.
He’s calls you his homegirl
You are a girl in his presence, perhaps not even really a friend, that he fucks. You two will never be romantically involved. If anyone questions why you’re always around, well, because you’re his homegirl. Duh. This definitely highlights the dichotomy of male-female relationships but on the whole, I’ve found one truth about them. Women will be friends with all kinds of men knowing that there will never be a day that she is so depressed or slovenly or intoxicated that she might slob on his knob. Conversely, every man in the history of men has never had a female friend they didn’t think they could fuck, just once, maybe with the lights off. Therefore, when he refers to you as his homegirl to other men, it’s implied that you’re a girl friend he’s fucking.
He doesn’t let you tag him
“Yeah baby, you can post those pics. Just don’t tag me” and that’s the moment you know this dude ain’t shit. He’s not just fucking, he’s fucking internationally, he’s fucking globally. Make your STD panel appointment immediately because this dude fucks. He’s not worried about who you know, or the 3,000 people you’re friends with on Facebook. He’s worried about the friends of friends, his woman back in Chicago, that little cutie he met in Italy last summer. He doesn’t care if you’re out here posting a ton of pictures with him looking stupid; he just wants to make sure his online status isn’t compromised.
He takes his phone to the toilet
This is especially true in the morning. I don’t care what any man tells you. Normal people roll over and look at their most pending messages. Texts from work, emails, maybe a missed call and respond to them at that moment based on their urgency. Fuck dudes grab their phone and run to the bathroom with it. That’s because they’re not conducting important business from the toilet seat: they’re texting all their other chicks back, hitting them with good mornings, exchanging niceties to keep the suspicion at bay. 15 minutes is long enough to take a shit AND set up your hoe-tation for the day. Then he can come out, have breakfast, and maybe smash one more time before he has to be at Vanessa’s for lunch.